Recently I came across a really great post that Amy Tol of More Like Grace uses to encourage her children and allows them to have a heart and home full of grace.
Amy talks about this concept of being a drill sergeant in the everyday busy life with her children too often by using words like:
“Why didn’t you do this?”
“Why did you do that?”
Without even putting too much thought behind what it is she is even saying. She talks about how she doesn’t just want her kids to be getting things done all the time. That confidence and being brave and allowing forgiveness to flow in the house is all that it should be. Not being yelled at or rushed or demanded at. But instead using a language that in those moments guides, encourages and teaches our children.
She comes up with some phrases that are used more intentionally and as an example of unconditional love inside our homes.
“Let’s pray about that”
WIth so much going on between school, packing lunches, after school activities it’s important to pay attention to what our children are having a hard time with. Their challenges should become an area that we encourage and practice prayer.
“It’s not a big deal”
It’s in the moments where a little mistake or mishap happens often too many times with kids that tend to catch us off guard.
Something that is just a simple accident gets blown up into a way bigger deal than what it really is.
You know the moments. A glass drops on the floor and shatters. A book gets forgotten at school. A toy gets left outside in the rain. Little mishaps happen so often with kids, you’d think I would learn to expect them!
Somehow, though, these moments can catch me off guard. And I can turn simple accidents into a bigger deal than they really are. Instead of remaining calm, frustration spills into my voice. I find myself giving a five-minute lecture about a one-second mistake.
Sure, there are times when these “accidents” are part of a bigger pattern of irresponsibility—and we need to confront our kids about their carelessness. But sometimes . . . it’s just an accident.
Next time a little mishap comes to your home, stop and ask yourself the question: “Is this part of a pattern? Or is this a moment of human forgetfulness or clumsiness that happens to us all?” If it’s the latter, help your kids find grace for simple mistakes by telling them “It’s no big deal” and calmly moving on.
“I”m so proud of you”
Taking the time to remind your children how important they are and how special they are really makes a difference in not only their attitude but your attitude as well. With different feedback constantly from school, sports, or art they tend to get either praise or criticism based on their performance. Whatever your children’s strengths are….magnify them…speak positivity into their life and make them feel confident in not only how they perform but who they are as a person.
“Let’s do something together”
Make time and plan for special days to spend with your family. Family night can be a great tradition for your children and they will enjoy making special memories that will last them a lifetime. It can be hard to convince your children to stop screen time and set down the iphones or ipads in exchange for time with mom and dad. But they do need to understand what family love and time is as well as community. If life is too busy then maybe plan a last minute something with your children….even if it’s less than 15 mins. It’s important for them to see this love and community in the family.
We all have been there Loosing our temper…..being in a bad mood….being snappy with everyone around us. Overreacting and shouting is not something that our kids deserve or something that they caused us to do. It starts within our hearts first of all…nobody is perfect but we unkind words that come out of stressful situations or feeling highly overwhelmed is not their fault. Yes when our children misbehave they do deserve truth and discipline. But uncontrolled yelling and screaming at them for their faults shows that we are not in control and no matter what they have done they do not deserve this. Not to mention we are not leading by example with bad behavior skills.
Hopefully some of these tips help to encourage not only your children but you as well as a parent. Nothing is perfect but choosing to be the best version of yourself no matter what life throws at you is a great place to start.