I am a few weeks pregnant and I can't stop drinking.

I just let my 13 month old wander around the living room. He's "corralled" and can not get anywhere out of my line of sight. I just can't get up anymore.

I have a friend who can't stand not being little miss popular. She can't stand it if someone we both know is closer with me than her, so she always interferes and basically sabatoges the friendship I have with the person so she can be their new BFF. She pretends to be someone she isn't just to fit in, and I'm getting sick of her talking crap to make sure that I am the one tossed aside.

I am dreading sharing a house with my MIL and SIL who is a teenage daughter, who is bitchy, ungrateful, disrespectful and indignant. I hate that my DS will have to share with her daughter. I hate that I will have to hold my tongue when my SIL starts throwing her weight around as if she's an adult. I don't approve of teenage motherhood and never will. I am unbelievably disappointed in her and haven't been able to look her in the eye since we found out. she did it for attention. I know because she got pregnant right when I married her brother and he moved out of their house. So sad.

Not only am I addicted to this site, it now takes much longer to catch up b/c of all of the comments, which I am now addicted to as well (depending on the post).

On the way home from work, I actually think about how fun it will be to get on here and check out all the new stuff.

I am such a dork!

I threw my scale away today.

Fuck it....I refuse to be a slave to the digital numbers that glare up at me everyday.

My 13-month old DD showers with me, and today she pooped in the shower... twice. Eewwww.......

This is hard to admit, but my biggest fear as a mother is not the loss of one of my children (maybe it's a concept that my brain won't even wrap itself around - because I know without a doubt I'd be devastated and grief stricken for the rest of my natural born life).

My biggest fear is dying young and leaving them motherless. I literally beg God to let me live long enough to see them reach adulthood every day.

I'm the epitome of health and have no reason to believe I might die young. But it truly my biggest fear.

Six years ago, my 14 year old son shook my 4 month old son. It happened while I left the baby in his swing in the family room with his older brother while I took a shower. It was an awful time in our lives - our baby was hospitalized (he completely recovered), we went through two years of family therapy and my son was placed on the Child Abuse Registry until he reached legal adulthood.

Sometimes I'm still filled with an ugly, silent rage when I see my oldest ds play with my youngest ds. I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly forgive him and love him the same again.

Our city had some fairly significant thunderstorms a couple nights ago. The thunder woke my dh and I up in the middle of the night. One thing led to another and we were going at it....all of the sudden, we heard a little voice coming from the floor at the foot of our bed:

"Mommy? Daddy? What are you doing?"

GAH!